Musings of a Potions Prince
by NirvanasSnow
Summary: He'd always been the halfblood, the outcast, the reject. Yet Luce...he was the school's king. Why would they be together anyway?
1. Chapter 1

**MUSINGS OF A POTIONS PRINCE**

**By: LiliacSnow **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Black, or any of the characters you see used in this story.**

**Chapter Ono: Secrets Hidden Deep.**

It was only yesterday that I realized the most important thing in my entire miserable life.

I, Severus Tobias Snape, Half-blood Prince and Potions King, am in love.

And not just _'in love'_ mind you; I'm obsessed, enamored, smitten. I'm bloody head over heels- I'm entranced, enamored, enchanted…and I still can't stop watching. But I have to, don't I. Or everyone will notice and everything will be ruined.

I stayed up all through the night, thinking…just thinking. Was it that white blonde hair, so light and pale and silky, hanging down to cover those gorgeous gray-blue eyes until that cocky head moves every so slightly with such elegance, such grace, and one of those enchanting eyes winks daringly at me? Is it purely physical? Is it only lust? Do I merely want a quick shag and be done with it all?

The answer is No. I want more. I want to touch, to feel. I want to make love. I want that smirk to be mine, that quirk of those pink lips- mine. I want those lithe, long-fingered hands to roam over my body and give me my release. I want to return the favor. I want for **you** to be mine, only mine. I love how those hands wave through the air when trying to secretly perform wandless magick and send some fancy spell soaring through the air, turning some ugly old thing into something marvelous, something purely, blatantly intriguing. Could you do that to me? Change me into something beautiful too?

And yet I know we'll never be. You're in love with someone you _should be_ in love with. Some uppity, gray-blue eyed, curly haired blonde…the Princess of our Slytherin House and could be your sister; you look so alike. Narcissa Black. How I envy her.

Yet it was _you_ who welcomed me here when I was just a shy, young frightened thing. You even taught me to dance so I could take Bellatrix- Narcissa's little sister who's in my year- to the ball last year, and wouldn't have to be partnerless. So that I wouldn't be an outcast. They shunned me, yet you took me in, uncaring of the cost. You held my hands and taught me the steps- my heart raced forwards; gods, I thought I'd die of joy. I can still feel your hands in mine- so soft, so warm, so wonderful.

When we study together, you could study with anyone else- any of the others, boys or girls, from this school- Merlin knows everyone looks up to you enough to not tease you about having a study partner. Honestly, anyone would be honored to study with you 4 times a week; to be taught the more advanced spells and potions you are so apt at. I could name some off the top of my head- Regulus Black, Claudius Zabini, Evan Rosier- yet you chose **_me_**: Brilliant but horrid old Severus, the half-blood.

I remember the first words you ever told me: "We wont bite, you know," you said as I nervously sat next to you the first day after my sorting, unknowing that other first years who had tried that days, weeks, even months before and after were hexed within an inch of their life for doing so. You were so kind and stunning- I'd never seen someone so beautiful. You showed me the ropes, taught me not only how to swing on them, but how to soar without them. You taught me everything I needed to know and more, and I did my best to impress you with my quick learning. In no time I was doing spells like the older students, had accumulated an amount of hexes and curses that rivaled most of the seventh years, and could make potions better than even you. But besides that, I could never be better than you; you're amazing…you're perfect.

I've seen you with Claudius Zabini those dark nights in the dungeons. I'd love to tear him apart, let everyone know what a sick bastard he is, screwing Lucius Malfoy. If it got in the papers, he'd be Avada'd without a second thought by your father, by your family. I may sway both ways, but I'm not stupid. I know how bad it would be for you- your name, your image, everything- to be found out. And I won't say anything, though most Slytherins would never show you or anyone the same courtesy. Yet I will, because I love you. And next year, when you're both gone and you forget all about me…I don't like to think about that. But unlike you, I'll always remember.

That's right; I love you, Lucius Malfoy. And I'll remember.


	2. Chapter 2

**MUSINGS OF A POTIONS PRINCE **

**By: LiliacSnow **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Black, or any of the characters you see used in this story.**

**Chapter Duo: Secrets Revealed.**

**12 YEARS LATER**

Severus Snape stood inside Godric's Hollow, blinking dumbly.

To his back was a very dead James Potter; to his front was the wailing son of Lily-formerly-Evans-now-Potter and James, with a lightening bolt shaped scar on his forehead to prove he was indeed the defeater of the Dark Lord. To his left was another very dead, positively horror-stricken Lily Potter, and to his right was…well…a very handsome, very much alive Lucius Malfoy, who was blinking just as dumbly at the robes of an obviously defeated Lord Voldemort as Severus was.

It disgusted Severus to think that he- even after 12 bloody, damned to hell years- was still so blindly in love with Lucius Malfoy that he couldn't even mourn one of his friends without having dirty thoughts pass through his head about _him._

Lucius, though, mourning or not (though it is most likely the latter), was quickly grabbing Severus and tugging on his bare left arm. Severus thought he would retch from the joy the skin on his own caused him. His frown deepened and he turned away from the corpse of Lily and her never-ending-wailing son, Harry, to look at the object of his affections.

"Come _on_, Severus; we have to go before the Aurors get here!" It was a panic-laced plea, but Severus knew they still had time before the Godric's Hollow apparition wards fell once more, allowing Aurors to come through. Lucius was only reminding him that if he was to mourn for the mudblood- 'Severus's mudblood pet' as the death eaters so aptly named her, he had better do it quickly. That was so like Lucius, he thought; always so considerate, so caring… he shook himself out of the disturbing reverie that threatened to overtake him once more and jerked his head at the door without a second glance at the Potters.

"Let's go then," he growled harshly, instinct mixed with something more telling him to get out as fast as he could. Grabbing Lucius, he dragged him out the door as they passed the wards and apparated away.

"Merlin, Severus! You sure do a messy sidelong apparation!" Lucius whistled as they appeared on the Malfoy Manor grounds with a faint pop. Severus sneered at him- how **cold** he'd become in an effort to mask his emotions about Lucius.

"If you wanted to get caught by the Aurors, that would have been perfectly wonderful as well, Lucius; you merely should have given me notice," he spat. "I could feel them coming." Yet another of the famous powers that had allowed the Half-blood potions prince into the ranks of only purebloods. Lucius frowned at him, crossing his arms and coming to a short halt halfway to the Manor itself.

"You can stop the act now, you know. The Dark Lord is gone; we are **_free_** ! We can do as we please- there is no reason to hide anything from each other anymore!" Lucius's voice sounded so naïve and excited for a moment that Severus wanted to laugh with joy and spin him around in his arms. And then he realized what he said, because his blood ran cold. He, too, stopped and turned to face his old schoolmate, as Lucius's voice dropped to a husky whisper.

"You can tell me anything, you know."

Severus shuddered, that _voice_ sending him on edge as always, but took his refuge behind his cold mask, also as always.

"Damn it!" He yelled. "What do you want me to tell you! You're fucking **married**, Luce! You have a kid! What do you want- mmf!" Lucius's lips suddenly slammed against his, and Severus gasped- with Lucius taking that opportunity to give him his first willingly given- and taken- French kiss.

When they broke apart, Lucius crushed Severus against his tall form and whispered in his ear.

"I want you to tell me you love me, 'cause that's how I feel about you. I want you to kiss me, and I want you to fuck me, though I'd rather fuck you- if you don't mind- and I want-"

And then Severus was kissing him again, the most stupid, wide grin on his face ever when they broke apart. On both their faces, in fact. And then Severus was laughing madly; a rich, deep laugh that shattered every cold mask he had ever built into nothingness. He was beyond certain that his grin reached his ears at the moment.

"I- I want that too," he said softly into Lucius's neck, where he had rested his head. He looked up to see that Lucius's grin had broadened even further, if that was even possible, and he started placing kisses all over the blonde's neck.

"I love you- I love you… I love you so much, Lucius." Lucius's head was tossed back, and a look of utter pleasure graced his features as he moaned.

"I love you too, Severus."

**Almost 13 years later**

Severus's dark mark was burning. That could only mean one thing, he knew, and he didn't want to- he _couldn't_ believe it was happening; not again.

Besides him, Lucius looked terrified.

"I must answer the call," the man whispered in horror; it sounded like a horrible nightmare come to life- it just couldn't possibly be. "I must go." Lucius's voice sounded so empty- devoid of all emotion, like before, during the war. Severus caught his arm just as he was about to apparate away.

"Luce- Luce, tell me you won't go. Tell me that you'll be on the _right_ side this time. Please. Tell me you won't leave, please, Luce, tell me-" but Lucius pried Severus's fingers off his arm and moved away, his face now a dark cloud of abject horror, anger, resentment, and sadness as he finally realized the truth.

"I won't tell, Severus," he said shortly. His tone was clipped, cold, merciless- it reminded Severus of the way he used to address the muggles he would rape and kill, back then. "I won't let anyone know of your current and former status as a…spy." He moved away and gave Severus a pitying look. "Perhaps, my dear friend, one day we will be together again." It was a kind way to tell Severus that everything was over. A kind, cruel way. Lucius apparated away with a sharp pop, and Severus's mark continued to burn, a constant reminder of the person who had once again taken his love away from him.

"God damn you, Voldemort." He croaked, his vision fogging from the pain, and turned to find Albus Dumbledore; his spy status was regained once more.

**A little under a year later**

"Why aren't you and father speaking any more?" Draco Malfoy, Lucius's son, asked Severus inside his office one day. "Did you have another lovers spat with Mother or him?"

Severus looked up from the papers he was grading to narrow his eyes at a now 15 year old Draco. Gods, he looked much like Lucius that it was hard to tell the memory apart from the son. Not to mention that incident after the Yule Ball last year when he had inadvertently quite mistakenly kissed him. Thank Merlin Draco had enough brains to put him under a sobering spell the second after.

"Your father-" Severus paused. "Your father and I are no longer to- together." As his voice cracked with the last word, he ducked his head to hide the tears he knew would surely flow.

"Go, Draco," he croaked, a sob caught in his throat. "And don't you fucking dare tell Lucius about this!" But Draco didn't leave.

"I'm so sorry, Severus- Professor- Godfather," he stammered out, making his way over to the other side of the desk where Severus sat and latching on to one of Severus's hands as if it were the last thing in the world. And Severus did something for the first time- he fell to the floor with Draco and under the desk they cried the tears of two people who have lost all hope.

One because his love had left him, and the other…

The other because he had finally realized him and his love could never be.

Ever…

Then again, that was exactly what Severus had thought about Lucius at that age, wasn't it?

**Fin**


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